My Ex Wants to Resolve Custody Issues Without the Courts, But I Have My Concerns. Are They Valid?

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‘I am unmarried and have just ended a 5yr cohabitation with a man married to someone else. We have a 3.5 yr old child. My ex is now convinced that his destiny is to get back in a relationship with his estranged wife. He does not want to go to court for visitation or child support; he wants to “work that out ourselves” and promises to be generous. I have my doubts… My main concern is…We have lived in FL for the duration of our relationship and our child is a resident here. He is moving back to MI. Is it possible to have a visitation order that considers NOT introducing our 3yr old to her “instant stepmom” until a reasonable time (say 6 months) has passed? I’ve also asked that since he has traveled with work for 10 weeks at a time since our child was born and NEVER had her overnight by himself, that we ease into her going out of state by his having her in our home (with me gone) for the first 3 visits.
The psychologist in my says that this may be good to insure an easy adjustment for our daughter and but he is dead set that he have her at their home and his wife be called “stepmom” right away. Would a court consider my points as valid?’

[NOTE: Articles and answers on DearEsq., while written and published by lawyers, do not constitute legal advice, and no attorney-client relationship is formed by your reading of this information. You should always consult with an attorney for any legal situations.]

The court should certainly consider your points as “valid” but that does not necessarily mean that it would go along with your requests. However, put as you have here, your requests are certainly reasonable as they are based on your clear concern for your daughter, and you are not trying to keep her from her father, or even from her step-mother – you are simply trying to ease her into it.

Your best bet may be to ask for a court-ordered evaluation of the situation, with a court-appointed psychologist. Typically in such a situation, the Court will usually follow what is recommended by such a neutral, third-party psychologist.

Also, as much as you may hate the idea, you may also want to consider requesting that the first introduction to his wife be with you present, so that you can all meet.

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Author: House Attorney

A house attorney has answered this question.